It’s Complicated

It’s Complicated
Photo by Startup Stock Photos from Pexels

“Listen, we need to talk. We have had some great times, improved our vocabulary, mixed things up in the bedroom, gotten some answers from the stars, taken a few trips, contemplated bad decisions, big life choices, and the road not taken. But you knew in the beginning that we came with an expiration date. And now, well, now it’s complicated,” said me years ago when I didn’t have the guts to end a relationship.

“It’s complicated” has maneuvered its way into relationship vernacular so often and it is now so common we have all decided to accept this ambiguous answer to our relationship dilemma.

But what does “it’s complicated” mean? Maybe it means, “I have been wearing a facade with you. You don’t know me. The thing is, I don’t know you either. I wasn’t paying attention. I was here solely for the benefits. So I never learned to communicate with you. And now I have no idea how to tell you the things that are really going on in my life and in my mind. So I am going to give you something vague phrase and run away to compose myself so I can get control of the situation, reset the facade or abandon it and see what happens.”

“It’s complicated” is one of the dumbest things people say that so many accept. I think it is an insult. Do they think you aren’t smart enough to understand? Are you of so little importance that you aren’t worth the attempt at explaining things?

Facebook relationship statusFacebook, the mothership of social media platforms permits “It’s complicated” as an option when listing your relationship status. There are eleven relationship categories Facebook users can choose from: single, in a relationship, engaged, married, it’s complicated, open relationship, widowed, separated, divorced, in a civil union, in a domestic partnership.

Why would anyone in a legitimate relationship choose “It’s complicated?” Does it translate to “I’m still waiting for my mail order bride to arrive?” Or does it mean, “We kind of hate each other but are too chicken and immature to end it so here’s our status!” Whatever the reason behind it, I’m here to tell you that it’s a stupid status.

To me putting, “It’s Complicated” as a relationship status is offensive. It’s rude and hurtful and it also invites someone as random as your lab partner from high school to comment on the change in your relationship. The only thing complicated to me would be trying to figure out why we are even friends on Facebook or in real life in the first place. What happened? You and your boyfriend got into a fight and you went to the bathroom and changed your status? Really? Do you think your Facebook page is a news source that we are all following in real-time, and we need to know these up-to-the-second changes? Unless you have “It’s complicated” as a joke as in you’re in a relationship with your refrigerator and it’s complicated, this should never be your relationship status.

Relationship status

Rest assured, I’m not saying that everything is always simple. Of course, some things are complicated and require complex solutions. But I think we should look for the simple solution first, and avoid the tendency to assume that our challenges are more difficult than they really are. A large dose of honest communication could uncomplicated things considerably. All meaningful relationships will face challenges, but try not to get hypnotized by seeing the complexity.

Keep things simple, open, and honest because that is what real love is: simple and not that complicated.

Here are some relationship statuses I am tempted to post:

  • Separated from reality.
  • Risen to a level of entitlement in which I no longer care about human relationships at all and all I feel is the warmth of all life on earth. Om. (Yep it’s complicated).

What relationship statuses would you like to add to this list?

Have any Feng Shui questions? Feel free to contact me at michelle@michellecromer.com and sign up for your Power Color or visit me on Facebook at Michelle Cromer Feng Shui.

Soul Relationships

Leave a Comment

tall-tree_stark-600  

“Important encounters are planned by the soul long before the bodies see each other.”
~ Paulo Coelho

The moment I saw him, I knew I loved him. In fact, I knew that I had loved him for lifetimes. It was that feeling—the one that hits us hard in that spot between the second and sixth rib and slightly to the left of the sternum. This is our heart telling us a truth—the recollection that we have been with this person many times before.

I call this a soul relationship, and if we have experienced it, we know. If we haven’t yet, understand that there is a certain spark that comes with it and a subtle peace. An immediate bond of reassurance and stability will wash over us, one that could only be attributed to having been with this particular soul intimately, for centuries before this one.

It took me a long time to jump on the reincarnation bandwagon, a doctrine that has ancient roots and contemporary relevance since one in four Americans believes in it. But due to personal experiences, now I do too. In fact, I believe we have each lived dozens of times before this one and will live dozens more after. I also hold fast to the faith that on each occasion we incarnate, we do so with similar souls. We choose to be surrounded by people we will recognize so that in this lifetime, we do not feel so alone.

Most of our relationships are not that deep, even if they may appear to be.

We can share a lot of history with other human beings and still not be connected at the deepest level. We can have lovers with whom we’ve shared passion and profound intimacy and the sense of a connection that at least felt as if nothing could be deeper—and then, for one reason or another, drift apart.

Then, if we meet our former lover years later, we may have the strange and sometimes disturbing sensation of there being literally no connection anymore. Soul relationships are eternal.

A significant sign that we are experiencing a soul relationship is that these are the people we can’t resist—even though we want to. The bonfire attraction we have for each other might make us believe we should be together now, but often there is a tragic flaw to this reasoning—the practicalities in this life might not be in our favor.

The truth is, the result of coupling with these irresistible souls can be confusing and painful. Possibly with a temptation so electric, we use the motivation of “should,” a little too strongly.

We believe meeting someone with whom it feels we have known forever “should” work. But, timing is everything. Just because we were together in a previous life does not mean we can be together in this one.

This reminds me that soul relationships are more complex than I can intellectually understand. Each soul evolves at a different speed, and this time, we might be on a different trajectory. This does not make the relationship or connection untrue. It just means that the other is bound in their perception by limitations on the personality level and cannot register or be aware of the deeper significance.

The discrepancy between our own perception of things and that of someone else can lead to disappointment and even to sorrow if we do not understand that what exists at the soul level has to find its way into physical expression in its own way and time. In some instances, this may not happen nor serve the highest good within a particular lifetime.

Life unfolds in mysterious ways and in the end, the connections with others on the level of the soul enrich life immeasurably and add to the dimension of the physical, the dimension of the spiritual. These relationships will one day become quite natural and commonplace, for they represent the progressive unfolding of the beauty and promise of our capacity as spiritual beings to live a sacred life.

Have any Feng Shui questions? Feel free to contact me at michelle@michellecromer.com and sign up for your Power Color or visit me on Facebook at Michelle Cromer Feng Shui.

For Sam As We Pack Him Up for Colorado University This Week

1 Comment

If not for old photographs, I might have a hard time believing you were ever a blind baby or costume-wearing toddler, or that your first words were in Spanish. My baby is gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in the foot taller than me man you have grown into. We read the news outlets and you have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in your opinion of them or disagreeing with me on anything actually. You need razor blades, shower gel, and privacy, and yet it does seem like yesterday when you would waddle into my bedroom and sing, “Eyes and ears and knees and toes, knees and toes.” It had been my privilege and honor to share every day with you, every lacrosse game, teachers visit, science fair, ROTC performance, and award presentations.

Regrets? A few. I wish I would have gotten mad less but then I would never have heard you say, “Calm your crazy ass down!” Which, as you know, makes me howl with laughter.

Victories? A few. You know how to dance, rope, and ride. You have a heart for service and your work with the military vets continues to inspire me. Not only is your first language Spanish but you embrace the culture.

You know that our attempt to understand or define God is not only ridiculous but also ego-centered.

You know there is a space, a place, beyond our five senses that Christians call heaven and hell; Buddhists and Hindus call it interval between lifetimes; and Aboriginal people call it the unseen world. Your faith in what lies beyond your five senses is being replaced by the experience of it.

You have your own agenda, you have for years. It’s not my agenda, not what I would choose, but you have more courage than I do. You don’t allow someone else’s fear-based version of life to interfere with yours. My respect for you escalates. You are going to be all right.

I hope you fail and mess up sometimes because that means you are trying new things.

I hope you understand the darkness, bad days, guilt, frustration, anger, and pain; all of these are catalysts for growth and will push you to better places when you step into them.

I hope you always believe good days are always coming, and that life is too short to play small. And I hope you carry my admiration, respect, and love with you always.

As your childhood comes to an end, it seems my work with you is complete, or you with me, since it was you raising me these past 18 years.

Go well, Samuel Luke, my son. Go knowing that your father and I will be here, setting you a place at the table for one of our family dinners, and Panzer will be laying in front of the kitchen door, waiting for you to return, as we all will be.

All my love,
Mother

Is Feng Shui Magic?

Leave a Comment

Is Feng Shui Magic

Fifteen years, numerous certifications, hundreds of feng shui consultations, I have discovered from the students I have taught and the clients I have been blessed to work with, that the number one question that seems to always be asked is, “Is feng shui magic?”

The short answer is no. All the feng shui success stories like attracting a healthy new relationship, or landing that client you’ve been hoping to do business with for years, don’t just happen because I visited your space and waved my magic wand.

I have also found that the most powerful feng shui isn’t addressed by moving furniture around or changing paint colors. I have learned through experience and the actual practice of feng shui, which is the energy of the environment, that it is not generated solely by how the space is decorated, but also by the inhabitants of the space. It isn’t the space that nurtures the people living and working there, the people affect the space as well.

There are so many success stories with feng shui, and each time I hear one I know one thing for sure: the people in the space shifted the energy. I help my clients identify intentions and clarify goals. Together we identify and remove energy blockages, transform stagnant chi in the environment, and activate the harmony of yin and yang and the five-element theory. But when I leave, it’s the people that have to do the work.

It’s challenging to get clarity, it’s hard to invite change into your life, and both take sweat, determination and a great deal of hard work. So when change does occur, and goals are achieved, and new relationships enter your life, it could feel like magic, but there isn’t anything magical about feng shui.

Perhaps the magic is as simple as believing in yourself, and if you can do that, you can make anything happen.

Have any Feng Shui questions? Feel free to contact me at michelle@michellecromer.com and sign up for your Power Color or visit me on Facebook at Michelle Cromer Feng Shui.

A Fresh Start

Leave a Comment

A Fresh Start

The aftermath after ending a relationship can be unsettling. While it is easy to disregard photographs or sentimental items collected together in a relationship, the decision to get rid of something as intrinsic as the mattress you sleep on every night is a bit more challenging.

In Feng Shui philosophy, the mattress holds all the intimate and intense energy from your relationship. Just think of the amount of time you both spent on that mattress. The sum of activities that take place in, or on a bed can range from romantic to the mundane and can leave a reservoir of painful memories that are difficult to detach from and forget.

Of course, if your mattress is still in good condition, not yet eight years old, and you feel no emotional connection to the mattress, then keep it. However, if you ardently attached, but it is impractical to replace your mattress then energetically clear the mattress with sage.

Burning sage is one of the oldest and purest methods of cleansing a person or things. The practice dates back to prehistoric times and it’s been documented as having been used in every corner of the world. Before you light up, set your intentions and open the doors and windows as the unwanted energy you are trying to clear must have a pathway to get out. Sage spray is an alternative if you live in a no smoke zone. Next, strip the bed down to the mattress. Circumambulate around the bed with the sage, and as it burns thank and release the energy of your partner, and allow the energy that you shared to go with gratitude and love. As the smoke ascends your good wishes and intentions rise and are released into the universe.

Whatever you decide, the decision is a big one but consider, closing that chapter of your life could be as simple as investing in a new mattress.

Have any Feng Shui questions? Feel free to contact me at michelle@michellecromer.com and sign up for your Power Color or visit me on Facebook at Michelle Cromer Feng Shui.

Michelle Cromer