“Listen, we need to talk. We have had some great times, improved our vocabulary, mixed things up in the bedroom, gotten some answers from the stars, taken a few trips, contemplated bad decisions, big life choices and the road not taken. But you knew in the beginning that we came with an expiration date. And now, well, now it’s complicated,” said me years ago when I didn’t have the guts to end a relationship.
“It’s complicated” has maneuvered its way into relationship vernacular so often and it is now so common we have all decided to accept this ambiguous answer to our relationship dilemma.
But what does “it’s complicated” mean? Maybe it means, “I have been wearing a facade with you. You don’t know me. The thing is, I don’t know you either. I wasn’t paying attention. I was here solely for the benefits. So I never learned to communicate with you. And now I have no idea how to tell you the things that are really going on in my life and in my mind. So I am going to give you something vague phrase and run away to compose myself so I can get control of the situation, reset the facade or abandon it and see what happens.”
“It’s complicated” is one of the dumbest things people say that so many accept. I think it is an insult. Do they think you aren’t smart enough to understand? Are you of so little importance that you aren’t worth the attempt at explaining things?
Facebook, the mother ship of social media platforms permits “It’s complicated” as an option when listing your relationship status. There are eleven relationship categories Facebook users can choose from: single, in a relationship, engaged, married, it’s complicated, open relationship, widowed, separated, divorced, in a civil union, in a domestic partnership.
Why would anyone in a legitimate relationship choose “It’s complicated?” Does it translate to “I’m still waiting for my mail order bride to arrive?” Or does it mean, “We kind of hate each other but are too chicken and immature to end it so here’s our status!” Whatever the reason behind it, I’m here to tell you that it’s a stupid status.
To me putting, “It’s Complicated” as a relationship status is offensive. It’s rude and hurtful and it also invites someone as random as your lab partner from high school to comment on the change in your relationship. The only thing complicated to me would be trying to figure out why we are even friends on Facebook or in real life in the first place. What happened? You and your boyfriend got in a fight and you went to the bathroom and changed your status? Really? Do you think your Facebook page is a news source that we are all following in real time, and we need to know these up-to-the-second changes? Unless you have “It’s complicated” as a joke as in you’re in a relationship with your refrigerator and it’s complicated, this should never be your relationship status.
Rest assured, I’m not saying that everything is always simple. Of course some things are complicated and require complex solutions. But I think we should look for the simple solution first, and avoid the tendency to assume that our challenges are more difficult than they really are. A large dose of honest communication could uncomplicated things considerably. All meaningful relationships will face challenges, but try not to get hypnotized by seeing the complexity.
Keep things simple, open and honest because that is what real love is: simple and not that complicated.
Here are some relationship statuses I am tempted to post:
- Separated from reality.
- Risen to a level of entitlement in which I no longer care about human relationships at all and all I feel is the warmth of all life on earth. Om. (Yep it’s complicated).
What relationship statuses would you like to add to this list?[Tweet “What real love is: simple and not that complicated.”]