Recently, a family who had just lost their son called me. After a long battle with leukemia, he died in his bedroom, he was just 11. They wanted me to stand in that difficult sacred space between the living and the dead, between faith and fear, and determine the best way to honor his spirit. As I walked in I heard a woman, who I suppose was a friend tell the grieving family not to think of the little boy’s body, because it was “just a shell.” I am sure this thought was well-intentioned but was said by a person who is unsettled by the fresh grief of others. Right between the inhale and the exhale of the bone-wracking sobs such hurts produce, to some it’s normal to have this “just a shell idea.”

It is important to remember that whoever died in the home is precious to the people they left behind, and those people still love them. So clearing the energy of the room where a beloved one dies requires respect, in such a way that honors their memories and helps to begin the process of picking up the pieces of the shattered hearts left behind. My first suggestion is to do nothing to the room until after the memorial, the funeral, or burial ceremony as this is the official way we close the life of the person in our culture.

Several months after the celebration of the life of this little boy I returned and made these suggestions:

• Open all the windows of the house, symbolically allowing fresh energy to replace the old.
• Remove personal clothing and consider donating them.
• Clear out some personal items, which helps the family process their sadness and grief. I made sure the family knew that clearing out their son’s things did not mean I was trying to clear out their memories. There is no rule that you have to clear out anything or even adhere to a particular timeline. The grief journey is different for everyone.
• If possible buy a new mattress, and if this is financially impractical then perform a sage clearing which will help to balance the energy of both the bed and the room allowing for renewal.
• Paint the room, either the same color or select a new color, which will dramatically change the energy.
• Use soothing incense or essential oils such as lavender, sage, or eucalyptus to disperse the energy of the room. I use eucalyptus because of the healing properties and then I layer that with rose oil, which represents love.
• Open up the curtains or drapes and let the sunshine inside. Place prisms in the window, allowing the rainbows of light to enter the room.

Someone told me once that the body is “just a shell.” I said, “From now on until I tell you otherwise, that body isn’t “just a shell” she’s my daughter.” When we bury the old, we bury the known past, the past we imagine, sometimes better than it was, but the past, all the same, is a portion of which we inhabited. Memory is the overwhelming theme, the eventual comfort. However, when we bury children we bury the future, unwieldy and unknown, full of promise and possibilities, outcomes punctuated by our hopes. This kind of grief has no borders, no limits, no known ends, and the little graves are never quite big enough to contain such grief. I learned long ago that some sadnesses are permanent.

Real healing is hard, exhausting, and draining. This is why is it always wise to treat this new reality carefully and with honor. Clearing the space in a home can enable the family to begin the long, sacred, arduous, holy process of healing.

Have any Feng Shui questions? Feel free to contact me at michelle@michellecromer.com and sign up for your Power Color or visit me on Facebook at Michelle Cromer Feng Shui.