I am celebrating five years cancer-free today!!!

I had five surgeries on my face to cut out the melanoma skin cancer and finally, the right side of my face was reconstructed. Throughout the years I’ve continued to have reconstruction procedures. I’ve become a master at hiding my scars on all levels. My face has changed. I’ve changed. Irrevocably. Permanently. My soul is richer and my heart is fuller in my brokenness than it ever was without. I’ve learned my way through despair and it’s made me learn to appreciate true joy.

My wicked 64 stitch scars are disappearing. The ones left are the constellations on the flesh I wear, and they tell stories of all the battles I have fought. These scars are the only stars I know that shine brighter when only I can see them.

I’m acutely aware of how lucky I am. One person dies from melanoma every hour in the U.S.- it’s not just skin cancer when it is the largest organ of your body. It can come back and go to your liver or kidney or lungs or brain. So when you hear of someone dying of melanoma cancer that’s why.

I will forever be grateful for my reconstruction plastic surgeon Dr. David Hecht, in Scottsdale. He not only saved my life by doing a biopsy on my “freckle” when THREE doctors said it was nothing, but he also used his talent and artistic genius to put my face back together. And each time I went to his office his remarkable staff gave me so much needed hope. As my scars continue to fade my admiration, respect, and gratitude for Dr. Hecht and his angel staff never will.

When I went through cancer hell, my amazing friends and family rode shotgun, and as I continued to heal they came whenever I called. That’s love.

Healing is freaking messy and it’s detachment. It’s batshit crazy. It’s jet-black inky darkness. It makes you ache for the void. It makes you want to quit everything but you can’t. You won’t. Not now. Not ever. Because even though it makes your sides ache, you’ve changed.

Underneath all the bullshit there you are. Brand new. Going again. And you’re not going back. And there’s more like me out there. And if this is you, don’t give up. I’m waking up right next to you in the dark wild one. And believe me, and know you got this. I now know that there is no point in a life untouched by sorrow. So here’s to our scars. Here’s to surviving. Here’s to living life to the fullest and here’s to being a goddess warrior.

Some memories never leave your bones like the salt in the sea; they become a part of you. And you carry them. Always. Thank God. I am so eternally grateful to be here.

Muy agradecida!